I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
