You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
True strength comes from lack of pants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
