oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize