Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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