she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
