You're completely useless in the revolution.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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