Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize