i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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