Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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