i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
