i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I love having hate sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize