you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
