So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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