CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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