Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
