You're so nebulous sometimes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
