I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
