sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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