I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize