Me too!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
