my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize