What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
