He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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