I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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