Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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