Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
