it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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