they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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