can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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