After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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