There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
