we have pet lesbian snakes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
