Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
