ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
