it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
