There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
