My nipple is on Facebook.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
