Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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