Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
