dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize