You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
