They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
