Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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