Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
