fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He kissed a someone with a penis
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize