did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
