im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
