the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize