I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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