...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
