god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
