There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why do cheetos always look like penises
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
