I need help removing her.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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