we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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