And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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