the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
