I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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