Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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