Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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