It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
