her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
