i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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