he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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