i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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