I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
