good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
