"it" just moved
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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